I Give Up, You Win

When I was young, I coped with my internal pre-adolescent struggles by collecting religious art and fandom collectibles. I believed if I had enough brightly-colored stuff and pictures of Jesus, then I would not be sad. When that did not work, I turned to television. If I pretended hard enough, I could enter into the story, and then I would not be lonely. It was not until I developed a relationship with Jesus that my life started to change.

As a preteen, I thought sixteen was the year I would become a princess! All of the fairytale princesses were about sixteen, so that must be the peak of youth and beauty. I wanted an amazing party, but I didn't want to know anything about it, just like in all of those shows I watched. I wanted everyone to love me for just one day. I wanted a beautiful dress, lots of gifts and so much cake! I told my family and friends that I didn't want a party that year. This ploy would give everyone an opportunity to make their plans and spring it on me.

That is not what happened. The day came, and there was no party. Instead of planning a party, my family thought I just wasn't into parties. After all, I could buy my own stuff, make my own cake, and go out with my friends anytime I wanted. No party meant I could do my own thing, whatever teenaged thing that may be. On this particular day, that teenaged thing was crying in my room and lamenting that nobody loved me. My Mom found me, talked to me, went to the store, bought a cake and few small things (whatever the store had in my current fandom) and rounded up my family, all of whom had far better things to do.

Over time I gave up hope of getting my day to be a princess. I got married, had kids, and made it my mission to make their dreams come true. When we didn't have the funds to purchase their fandoms, I built them. (Yes, that's right, I couldn't afford a walking, talking Buzz Lightyear, but my kids had movie-accurate wings made out of cardboard and duck tape!) Then 2020 happened and everything changed. I responded by giving all of my sorrows to God. I didn't need to carry that baggage anymore. I left it all at the foot of the cross and walked away. My husband had the opportunity to purchase the pieces of my fandoms and make all of my childhood dreams come true.

When I gave it to God, God gave it all back to me and more.

I know how to live with little, and I know how to live with plenty. In any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things in Him Who strengthens me. Phil 4: 12-13